This is an ever living design.
It has not failed thus far.
I hear and read soo many saying 12 steps didn’t work for them. I thought that too for a long time… “I didn’t need it” but if I’m being honest, it’s because I didn’t apply them nor my myself to try a way other than my own way.
That is me thinking I got it under control. Just like I thought I had my drinking and drugging under control.
Once working them, I got into a mindset of “Ive done it, I’m good now” “The spiritual Awakening has happened!!” Which is all true but not for long.
See, I am human and though I can work a 10 and 11 daily… there is still crap that comes in, crap that I thought I worked through but is back, problems that arise in my own character, my marriage, my relationship with my children and how I parent, how I view society and the driver in front of me, && so much more. Things happen and I need to put in work.
Sometimes it is enough that a 10 works greatly! (Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.)
Sometimes doing an honest 4th on a situation is enough! (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves)
But also… sometimes we need to start over 1-12!
See they are in such order for a reason and somethings need that order, starting with seeing how you are powerless and how your life has become unmanageable. (Yes, your life can become unmanageable without the drugs and alcohol because they really are not the problem)
Today, I am able to see more clearly.
No, not everyday. (I’m human)
But today, I can see God moving my focus. Showing me were I need to go.
Today, I am willing to let him guide me.
How beautiful is that!
Sometimes it’s ok to not be ok, but we can’t stay there. There is a solution and the steps are just that for this alcoholic.
Yes, I have removed the drugs and alcohol but that “ism” is still here. I still have a diseased mind that is ready to see me fail. When bad things happen, for long enough and I am unwilling to talk about them.. my mind goes to either running or drinking.. If I allow that space I will end up doing just that. It’s never worth it.
When I stop working my program… I will die.
God’s spirit is with you always. I pray you will be still long enough to allow him (or whatever you believe) show you where he wants you.
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